


A Study in Melancholy

by forthefuture



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, M/M, Melancholy Clan, Slice of Life, Slice of Vampire Life, Team as Family, Tsubaki Household
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7973896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forthefuture/pseuds/forthefuture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsubaki looked at him for a few more, torturously quiet moments, before a grin similar to Belkia's stretched his mouth, fangs glinting. “I think it is a marvelous idea!”</p><p>“Wait, what is this about, exactly?” Higan raised a brow in perfect synchronization with one of his knitting needles.</p><p>“Sakuya-kun has decided to be a High School student again.” Tsubaki informed him, and then, continued with an airy note to his voice, “Ah, High School. The blossoming of youth.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starting Out Immortal

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there,
> 
> this is my take on Tsubaki and Sakuya's relationship which hit me like a truck when I watched Servamp.
> 
> A truck full of feels, to be exact.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! ^-^

Sakuya didn't remember how to be kind.

He remembered how to get by, and how to slip into the kitchen in the middle of the night without making any noise. He remembered how to keep his voice quiet, and hold his breath and not make a sound. He remembered how to fake signatures on school-issued documents and how to invent excuses for the parent-teacher conferences. There was a lot he remembered when his body hit the pavement. The horrid, bottomless sensation of falling came to an abrupt end. What only began though was the pain, spreading through every crevice in his body until he was writhing in agony. His body autopiloted on "flight", but even heaving his chest _hurt_ and he was scared that he might break more than what was already broken.

Dizziness surrounded him in recurring waves. And he began hallucinating, he must have been, for he heard the sound of footsteps breaking through the silence, and they seemed to be drawing closer. Sakuya attempted to lift his head, but the blinding pain kept him from doing even that much.

"I've come to pick you up." a familiar voice spoke, echoing the words of yet another promise merely waiting to be broken, stretching out his hand. Years ago, on the same swings he spent his childhood days with his sister. That same hand mussing through his hair and a pair of red eyes locking him in an impenetrable gaze, and promising _safety._

Could that person have finally have come to his rescue?

It must be him, he thought, as the man knelt down in front of him and offered him a smile.

Sakuya was struck by how clearly he remembered their conversation all of a sudden, whenyear s before, it had drifted in a foggy haze in the back of his mind. Sakuya clawed onto them like a desperate animal, remembering the rest of Tsubaki's – that was the man's name, he _knew_ – message

"When it's over." Sakuya garbled the words (moving his jaw had become a task of inhuman effort), and he tugged on the last reserves of his strength, felt fluid drip out of the corner of his mouth.

He looked down, mortified, dimly aware of the pathetic image he was portraying. A cool finger wiped away the mixture of blood and saliva, and Sakuya heard the man speak.

"Yes, when it's over." he said, and those cool, slender fingers lifted his chin, just the tiniest fraction that he could still bear, "And now the time has come and I will set you free. If you want, that is."

A strong, metallic scent rose in the air and the hand that had been supporting his chin was replaced by its blood-soaked complementary part. Vigilant eyes watched him over the rim of angular sunglasses. There was a touch of amusement in their depths that even made the scarlet glimmer appear a lot less frightening. Inviting, even.

"There now. Drink."

And Sakuya did.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

His surroundings were blurry when he first woke up. There was a dull ache in his limbs and his back, but it was distant enough not to cause actual pain. He blinked, trying to clear his eyes of the remainders of sleep.

He attempted to sit up, wincing at the effort, but all of a sudden, there was a hand, gently pressing him back down.

"Let's take it slowly, shall we? Sakuya-kun?"

The quiet, somewhat familiar voice breached the silence and Sakuya whipped his head up to notice a figure sitting on the edge of his bed, looking straight back at him.

It was Tsubaki-san.

The man gave him a reassuring smile: "How are you feeling?"

"Wh-where am I?" he mumbled. His brain was a jumbled mess of scattered thoughts and memories. He trembled in the cool morning air. It was morning, wasn't it? At least the light streaming in from the window in the back indicated this.

"What do you remember?" Tsubaki returned the question, absent mindedly pulling the blankets tighter around him.

Sakuya appreciated the gesture, but he was too tired and far too confused to voice as much. He was shifting through his memories, but they were surfacing only maddeningly slowly.

He remembered falling. From their balcony. Falling for a very, very long time.

He told Tsubaki this and the man nodded. "Do you know why you fell?" he asked, and there was a careful undertone in his voice.

It came to him. He let out a small whimper, fingers digging in the blanket.

_They had wanted him to die._

"It's okay." Tsubaki mumbled, "It's okay, Sakuya-kun. You're safe now."

Sakuya shook his head. "I should be dead." he whispered, shock numbing his body, "Why am I not dead?"

"Because you drank my blood." Tsubaki answered, calmly.

Sakuya stared at him, wide-eyed. "Blood?" he gave back, hoarsely.

And then, he did remember. _All_ of it.

"I'm a...no, don't tell me...don't tell me, I'm a...a." he blurted out, starting to panick due to the sheer impossibility of the idea, "I can't be-"

Tsubaki shushed him, effectively silencing his outburst..

"It's going to be okay." he said, quietly, reached out his hand to grasp Sakuya's. "You're still exhausted from the transformation. You'll feel much better later. Go back to sleep."

As much as he would have wanted to protest, he had to admit that Tsubaki was right, at least in one point. Sakuya _did_ feel tired and the fatigue currently outweighed the panic.

He relented, rolling onto his side, though without letting Tsubaki out of his eyes.

"You won't kill me, right?" he mumbled, "I'll sleep - if you promise you won't."

The corners of Tsubaki's mouth twitched. "I promise." he said, voice sincere.

"Deal." Sakuya whispered, and gave a weak nod.

And then, he slept.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tsubaki's house was gigantic. Sakuya would refer to it as a mansion more than a house, but nobody else did and he was still staying on the sidelines, still not making much noise still doing what he could to not be noticed.

With an increasingly dry throat that demanded sacrifices of a monstrous nature every few hours however, his ability of making himself disappear was faced with a new, unexpected challenge.

It was Shamrock that first noticed it. Tsubaki was busy most of the day, leaving and returning to their quarters at odd hours. Otogiri and Higan had not spoken to him much so far.

Belkia on the other hand avoided him like the plague, and if he was honest with himself, Sakuya rather cherished the fact that he was not doomed to the constant company of the _madman_ , as he secretly called him (more than once he caught him singing songs to himself about slitting throats while ironing clothes or tending to any other mundane task).

"Sakuya, do you mind-" Shamrock's voice broke off and Sakuya jumped straight up in his bed. The movement was too rapid, and a rush of dizziness made s him sink back down into the soft confines of his pillows.

"Are you alright?" The man ounded concerned, as he entered the room, making a beeline towards him. Sakuya swallowed and managed a toothy grin. "Peachy." he said,

"Great and in the best spirits." Shamrock was about to interrupt him, when he outdid him with a knowing grin: "No, I wonder, how much of that is a lie?" The other merely rolled his eyes.

"If there was a position for the court jester in our group, I'm sure you would have it in no time." he announced.

"Sure, I would." Sakuya agreed, and his smile faltered a bit when the gnawing sensation of hunger spread further throughout his stomach, tore at his insides. He breathed out, and even to his own, still untrained ears, it sounded strained. _Shit._

"When did you last feed?" Shamrock asked, getting straight to the point, "Tsubaki has suspicions that you've been lying about your eating habits. Is he right?" Sakuya froze, wholly caught.

"Why should I?" he retorted, instead of a proper answer, because he did not have one – except having to admit that he'd been spinning the most profound lie he'd made up in a few years in the span of the last days.

"Sakuya." Shamrock said, "You don't even have a clue where our storage of bloodbags . is. Be honest."

"I do." Sakuya quickly evaded the accusation, "It- Belkia showed me."

The old man arched an eyebrow. " _Belkia_ showed you?"

Apparently word about the hostility between Tsubaki's right hand and his new protegé (his favourite, the most far-fetched theories went) had long gotten out.

"He did." Sakuya lied.

It' was clear to him that Shamrock saw right through him and he opened his mouth, probably to tell him exactly that, when yet another voice joined their conversation.

"Sakuya, Sakuya, what are we going to do with you?" the sing-song tone interrupted them. This time, both him and Shamrock jolted up in almost hilarious synchronization. Standing in the door to the room he'd been given when he first joined the group, a few days back (although to him, it seemed far longer than that), was Tsubaki, arms loaded with what Sakuya's wildly growling stomach identified as plastic bags filled with the most desirable substance that his life had ever presented him with. Fresh, delicious, blood. The growls increased in volume, Shamrock sighed, Tsubaki cackled and Sakuya hated, _hated_ himself.

"Oh, you needn't have done that, young master." Shamrock replied, standing up and in a split second, he was by Tsubaki's side, easing him of a majority of his load, "We have plenty of members able to perform such minor tasks."

Tsubaki clicked his tongue and shook his head: "When it concerns our most vital supply from the only large hospital where I have helpful and discreeet connections, I'd rather take the time myself."

"But master-" Shamrock argued further, but Tsubaki was not listening, instead gracing Sakuya with a look that made him almost shrivel on the spot.

"And you, newbie, better drink one of those bags right now, are we clear?"

He tossed him the- at least, in Sakuya's perception- bulkiest bag from his yield, and then fixed him with his stare.

Sakuya's hands were trembling, but he forced himself to work on one of the plastic stoppers regardless.

He really hadn't planned on disappointing owed the vampire his life after all

"If you're not going to drink all of it, then please don't waste it." The latter said, all of a sudden and Sakuya let the unopened bag sink on the duvet again. It was of a snowy white, as were the pillowcase and blanket. Sakuya wondered if that meant the Tsubaki household possessed an enormously effective washing powder, or if he would have to buy a new set as soon as he started feeding.

"And- what should I drink then?" he asked meekly, glancing at the Servamp.

"Well, quite obviously, you'll have to feed from me." Sakuya barely had time to process this new bit of information when Tsubaki already sat down beside him.

"I- I don't-" Tsubaki stilled his pathetic attempts at expressing himself with a gesture of his hand, then with a whip of his hair that would have looked pretentious on anyone else but suited him perfectly, he bared his pale throat.

Sakuya's mouth began to water. Tsubaki glanced at him through his screened frames.

"Dinner time, Sakuya."

And then, he started cackling at his own joke.

"Master..." Shamrock mumbled in quiet bemusement.

"Forgive me, forgive me-" Tsubaki choked out, apparently attempting to regain his serious state, "I wasn't laughing at you, Sakuya-kun." Feeling quite foolish nonetheless, and not knowing what else to do, Sakuya nodded. Tsubaki amicably slapped his back, getting on his feet again.

"That can wait until we have some proper dinner, right, Shamrock? What's on today's menu?" he asked, and the grey-haired vampire answered promptly, with his trademark air of pride and enthusiasm.

"Grilled vegetables, beef steak and tartar sauce. I prepared some chocolate cake as a dessert."

"Splendid." Tsubaki replied, "Make sure you eat well, yes, Sakuya?"

"I will." Sakuya heard himself promising. The prospect of a fulfilling dinner did lighten his mood.

"And afterwards, you _will_ be feeding from me." Tsubaki continued at that moment in an unbelievably casual tone. Sakuya's jaw dropped. "E-excuse me?"

"It'll be fine." the vampire reassured him, "You're not hurting me. That is what is bothering you, isn't it, _Sakuya-kun_?"

"I- I just-" Sakuya sighed, and met Tsubaki's inquiring gaze.

"I just don't want to become a monster like my..." Parents, he wanted to say, but the words were stuck in his throat, and he struggled pronouncing them. He didn't have to. Tsubaki laid his hand on his shoulders again, and this time, it stayed there.

"You will learn how to control it. With some time. At the beginning, feeding is essential for any vampire, Subclass or not." he explained, in the patient, neutral voice of a teacher, pretending he did not hear Sakuya's last words.

Sakuya shrugged. He did not like this idea, how could he, but then it seemed. that he was, as so often in his life, not given any other choice.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They dined in Tsubaki's "inner circle." (Sakuya had picked up the name from Shamrock's explanations). It consisted of the head of the clan, his loyal right hand Belkia-san, the , the muscly yet eccentric Higan-san, the forever apathetic Otogiri-san and newly-minted Sakuya himself. He was aware that the actual Clan consists of far more members, who were accommodated in the floors below their own. Sakuya didn't quite understand what he had done to be included in said circle, other than die a pathetic, predicted death in a suburb reeking of alcohol, trash and abuse, and he did not know what it was that Tsubakai saw in him, that made him stop by his room at least once a day to ask about his condition.

That made him seem far away from kicking him out like he perhaps ought to, because Sakuya could not see the benefit in keeping someone like him.

This was the only point in which Belkia seemed to agree with him

"The newbie is stealing all the sauce." the pink-haired vampire complained at this particular dinner, and Sakuya's hand quickly dropped the spoon he'd been about to lift to pour himself some more of the delicious concoction that Shamrock had made.

"Oh, is he now?" Tsubaki asked, appearing quite unfazed, as he sipped wine the colour of mulberries, a shade dark enough to make Sakuya suspect that something else might have been mixed into it.

"He most certainly is!" Belkia accused, dropping his own cutlery and gracing Sakuya with a look of snide, "There's not nearly enough left when he's taking it all for himself."

The way in which he laid a heavy emphasis on the "nearly" confirmed Sakuya's suspicions that it was not really the lack of sauce that Belkia, who still has plenty on his own plate, felt bothered by.

"Leave the fledgling alone." Shamrock attempted to mediate the situation, and even Higan threw in a well-intended: "I didn't see him doing any of that."

Belkia grumbled and proceeded to cut his steak. The unsettling silence that followed had Sakuya sitting stiffly on his chair, all of a sudden feeling no longer hungry (if you left aside the constant inner urge to tear through something with a beating heart and suck their veins empty.)

"If you are not going to eat anymore, it'll go to waste. it's a problem." Otogiri said, picking up on his mood.

Sakuya shook his head, _no_ , with a weak smile.

"Belkia." Tsubaki sighed tiredly, "Apologize to the kid.

" "ME?!"

Sakuya's ears rang with the high-pitched squeal of incredulity. He risked a glance to his side. Sure enough, Belkia was glaring up a storm at the head of the clan, hands jammed on the table.

"Yes, you." Tsubakai's gaze transformed within a second from one of clear disinterest to one of warning, apparently prepared to take Belkia on, should matters escalate.

The rare display of hierarchy had Sakuya on the edge of his seat. None of the others said a word, but they all stopped their meal, as if in silent agreement. It did not last all that long. Sakuya counted nine long, dreadful seconds, before all tension seemed to evaporate from Belkia with the huff of air he let out, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Tsubaki's gaze lost its frightening ednd the other clan members slowly relaxed their postures.

"So?" Tsubaki added, gaze still fixed on Belkia, "Are you going to apologize to the kid or not?

""He's not a kid." Was that h _urt_ Sakuya saw, flashing in Belkia's eyes?

"Of course he is." Tsubaki drawled, "How old are you? Newbie?"

"F-fifteen." Sakuya stammered . _Forever_ and _eternal_ , his mind added, unhelpfully.

Tsubaki threw up a hand in the air, a gesture of exasperation. "See? He's a _kid."_

It's really not that interesting at all." His eyes locked with Belkia's. Sakuya wondered if he imagined the silent conversation that seemed to occur among them, but perhaps he sensed it right, as Belkia was the first one to break eye-contact, before resuming it with a mollified look.

"I'm sorry, Sakuya-kun." he added in a voice that held none of the resentment but rather a hint of an honest apology, and Sakuya was too baffled to manage more than a nod and a mumbled assurance that it was fine.

It would take him a few weeks to understand what exactly it was that Belkia believed he was stealing from him.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first time he bit Tsubaki's wrist, he needed three attempts before he properly managed to sink his teeth through the skin. Each one of the previous times, he was either too nervous or too embarassed or all at once to go through with the process. Tsubaki was oddly patient with him though, guiding him through the feeding like an instructor through a training exercise.

When finally he succeeded, his fangs cutting through the skin like a knife through butter, and the metallic taste filled his mouth for the first time, he almost jerked away right there and then, if not for Tsubaki lightly patting his head with a mumble of reassuring phrases.

"Well done." the vampire told him and Sakuya threw him an uncertain glance. He's was still not used to the praise Tsubaki doled out to everyone in his Subclass, whenever there was an occasion. Knowing it was sincere, Sakuya wanted to cherish it. And yet, and yet...he still struggled to let himself wholeheartedly accept Tsubaki's words.

It has been a while, a long while, since anyone praised him, after all.

"You're thinking too much." Tsubaki said, clearly amused, "You only need to _feed_ , Sakuya-kun."

Sakuya felt the slightest bit embarrassed. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand , only to find it soaked in blood a minute later. He paled, he must have, as Tsubaki began to cackle.

"You have a lot to learn, newbie." he mused, presenting him with a box of tissue wipes. Sakuya mumbled a thank you, cleaning himself off and attempting not to feel disgusted by himself. Disgusted, though not as much at the blood stains adorning his face and hands, but at the fact that he found their sent ...entrancing.

Disgusted by himself.

"I don't mind if you drink from me, at least until you get used to it" Tsubaki threw in, and Sakuya sensed that he wasn't being mocked, "There's no need to be embarassed about it, either. We all had to learn."

"I'm not sure." Sakuya evaded the suggestion, because it _was_ embarassing to him, and he wanted to start feeling less dependent than he did at the moment.

"I think I'll try and drink from the blood bags. See how it works."

"Of course, you have the choice." Tsubaki replied, and then, "Here, let me." Sakuya couldn't help it, he flinched for a split second when Tsubaki raised his hand, even though he should know better.

A few years back, it was a gesture that would be followed by either his face burning (in the best case) or his face burning, aching and subsequent train of panicked thoughts about how he would manage to camouflage the blossoming bruise in this most visible of places, how much school that meant he would have to miss (in the worst case). Here, in his new home, surrounded by a horde of vampires, it meant none of those outcomes. The tissue was soft, and Tsubaki only applied little pressure as he scrubbed his cheek. Sakuya felt utterly relieved.

"You know I'm not going to hit you, right?" the Servamp of Melancholy said, eyes narrowing over the rim of his sunglasses.

Sakuya's face did start burning, but not from any physical impact.

"I know, I know." he replied, forcing a laugh, "I know that was stupid of me-"

Tsubaki shook his head, inspecting his work. "It wasn't stupid of you, not in the least." he answered, crunching up the used tissue and throwing it, without glancing behind, in the dustbin in the corner of the room. If the situation had been any different, Sakuya would've been quite impressed.

"In fact, I do think that it's always better to plan ahead and stay on the safer side." Tsubaki told him. His black kimono flapped around his hips as he rose to his feet.

"However, there is no need for you to fear _that_ anymore, alright? Sakuya- _chan_?" He gave him a rare smile.

"You needn't treat me like- like that." Sakuya objected, with a note of resignation in his voice.

"Like...what?" Tsubaki questioned, "Elaborate, please."

Sakuya looked to the side. "Like I'm about to break."

When Tsubaki responded, it was not without a hint of laughter, but Sakuya would not have expected anything else.

"Sakuya-kun. If anyone will not break easily, that is you." he stated.

It later occurred to Sakuya that Tsubaki probably had not paid any great attention to what he was saying, or what exact words he'd used, trying merely to comfort him for the moment.

But Sakuya latched himself onto those words like a drowning man onto a lifeboat.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

About half a year had passed and to Sakuya, it was as though he was slowly adapting to the mechanisms of the Tsubaki household.

However, not everything was yet clear to him.

And although there was no hostility between him and any of the other members, there was only one person who he could ask and be sure to receive a decent answer from concerning a particularly...personal question.

"What about the others in the clan? The ones who are not in the inner circle?" He had posed the question when he was alone with Shamrock one afternoon, "Who looks out for them?"

"Well, most of them are adults and work." Shamrock had explained, "We have a few who go to school or university to graduate or get a degree. Some even still have their family supporting them."

"They do?" Sakuya had asked, it had seemed rather unbelievable to him, "Do those families know...?"

"It's hard to explain coming back from the dead in any other way." Shamrock said dryly.

"Well..." Sakuya was lost for words.

"So, as you can see, everyone is cared for." Shamrock concluded, "And yes, Tsubaki pays special attention to those in the inner circle because he considers them the most skilled fighters."

"Me?" Sakuya replied, shaking his head a little. He was not a fighter, he was completely _useless._ He had to be rescued, but had not even been able to save his own sister. "I don't see...why." he replied, digging his nails into his sleeve.

"Tsubaki has his reasons." Shamrock answered in a vague tone. "And Sakuya?"

"Yes?" He looked up.

"Not having a family to go back to is nothing to be ashamed of. And neither is accepting our young master's help."

 

* * *

 

 

"Ah, Sakuya-kun!" Tsubaki said, beckoning him into their spacious kitchen. Sakuya frowned, phone sliding into his side pockets of his jeans and followed the nonverbal command. He had an inkling as to why his presence might be required, but sincerely hoped his worries would not be confirmed.

He stumbled back when he saw that Tsubaki was not the only one in the room with Belkia perched on the windowsill, grinning in his direction and Higan, who had comfortably slid down into one of the chairs, knitting away at something that looked distinctly like a purple scarf. He glanced up and threw him a smile when Sakuya entered tentatively. Tsubaki stood, leaning against the kitchen counter, and there was something in his hands that did ring a bell.

"Where did you get that from?" he asks, desperately. The colourful flyer from the local High-School looked very much out of place in Tsubaki's slim fingers.

"It was sticking out of your jacket pocket." Tsubaki replied, unabashedly admitting to his theft, "And since I recognized the logo, I became curious. The new school year starts soon, after all. _Doesn't it_ , Sakuya-kun?"

Sakuya, as though on instinct, turned in the direction of Belkia and Higan or help.

"Oh, don't look at me, I'm just enjoying this lovely morning." Belkia-san said, and laughed, audibly gleeful.

Sakuya thought their relations had improved a lot since the fateful dinner, but that apparently didn't include the other vampire showing enough courtesy not to watch when he was about to get a dressing-down from Tsubaki.

Higan shrugged his muscly shoulders helplessly.

"Should I leave?" he asked, immediately earning him a big favour in Sakuya's mind.

But what use was there for that now, he thought, when the situation was already quite obvious.

"Eh- no, it's fine, stay." he said, mustering a pained smile and strengthening his resolve.

If Tsubaki wanted to express his displeasure about a fifteen year old voluntarily wanting to go back to school, attend High School and graduate (shouldn't that be any guardian's dream?) - well, then the outgoing vampire could do so with an audience.

( It wouldn't have been his parents' dream either, he thought, but then they made him and his sister commit suicide to cheat money from the insurance. They probably weren't the best reference.)

Tsubaki looked at him for a few more, torturously quiet moments, before a grin similar to Belkia's stretched his mouth, fangs glinting. "I think it is a marvelous idea!"

"What?" Belkia asked, sounding clearly disappointed.

"What?" Sakuya hurried to add, realizing belatedly that he gave the impression of a stupified parrot.

"Wait, what is this about, exactly?" Higan raised a brow in perfect synchronization with one of his knitting needles.

"Sakuya-kun has decided to be a High School student again." Tsubaki informed him, and then, continued with an airy note to his voice, "Ah, High School. The blossoming of youth."

"The flowering of feelings!" Belkia cried, having recovered quickly, jumping down from the sill and latching himself onto Tsubaki's arms.

"The thriving of young minds!" Tsubaki proclaimed.

"The blooming of bonds!." Belkia rejoiced.

"The embrace of a certain death." Higan muttered, and threw Sakuya a pitiful glance.

"So- this is- fine with you?" Sakuya asked, at the moment that Belkia loosened himself from Tsubaki again with a wistful sigh.

And suddenly remembered a minor detail he had forgotten inmidst of hiding his plans. "Actually, I would need your permisison to register and all." He glanced at Tsubaki. "If you wouldn't mind?"

"That's not a problem at all. I shall see to it." Tsubaki replied and spread his arms, as though in a generous offering: "You have all of eternity, Sakuya-kun. Enjoy it how you want."

He paused: "Although, I have to admit, I was _very disappointed_ that you didn't tell me before. What if you had started school without me even knowing? How would that have made me feel?" His mocking tone along with wide, betrayed eyes was enough to get a delighted chuckle out of Belkia.

"Hurt!" his right-hand man added, dramatically.

"Hurt, indeed!" Tsubaki agreed, then caught Belkia's eye and they both burst out in peals of laughter.

"Wonderful." Sakuya mumbled, and his tinge of annoyance at the duo dissipated almost as quickly as it had come, replaced by a warm feeling of relief.

Tsubaki wasn't putting any obstacles in his way.

He would be able to see Mahiru again.

The thought of the cheerful, pragmatic and inexplicably kind boy he had met by accident, sneaking into the grounds of a middle school a year ago, out of curiosity and a sense of loneliness, made his heart beat quicken rapidly. He'd been immersed in his own thoughts, but the meeting had torn him out of them, along with all common sense he'd still possessed.

He still felt guilty about burdening Mahiru with false memories of a childhood growing up together. And a gnawing sense of uncertainty about if he was going to manage all of this- keep his identity concealed and enjoy three years of High School with his friends without majorly messing up.


	2. Redefining Loyalties

Higan offered to drive him to school on the first day, and although it would have taken him none less than 6.5 minutes to run there, given his vastly improved speed as a vampire, Sakuya didn't refuse.

He regretted it thirty seconds into the ride, when Higan blasted opera pieces and hummed along to them loudly.

"Have fun." Tsubaki had wished him with a smirk that very morning, pressing a 1000-yen bill into his hand- lunch money, Sakuya assumed.

As Tsubaki often mused, vampires didn't _have_ to eat human food, but since it was still enjoyable and to an extent, sating, there was no reason for them not to eat. Especially when it served the purpose of keeping up appearances.

It was the only thing that Tsubaki, with his easy-going mindset seemed to be concerend about. He was impressed with Sakuya's memory charming skills. He reminded him to use them if a situation ever came up where anyone seemed to be suspecting him and, equally as important, not to act in any way that would generate suspicion. And not to suck blood on school grounds, for that might be a giveaway.. Sakuya had rolled his eyes, and packed a bloodbag just in case.

Luckily, the ride eventually came to an end. Higan drove onto the school's parking lot and Sakuya looked into the distance, seeing students swarming towards the gate, greeting each other, some seeming excited, other still sleepy. Morning tiredness was something that Sakuya certainly did not miss from his human life.

"By the way- you know, if you have a really-" Higan drawled all of a sudden, startling Sakuya- " _really_ sexy female sensei teacher" - Sakuya stared at him in utter perplexion, - "Then you know, try and sneak me a picture sometime?"

He gave Sakuya an expectant side-glance.

Sakuya feverishly searched for an excuse as to why he had to bolt out of the car now.

_Immediately._

He didn't bolt.

"I'll- see what I can-"

"Boobs." Higan nodded to himself, "This old man has spent far too long without company, if you know what I mean. Sometimes it's hard to get rid of the feeling of being the only one in this household who-"

"I really have to go now, thanks for the ride!" Sakuya said hastily, scrambling out of the silver Toyota Yaris, throwing his old backpack over one shoulder and taking off.

"Remember, sneak me a pic." Higan called after him.

As Sakuya got closer to the bulk of students, he slowed down his pace, espite his wish to get away from Higan-san and the mountain of first-hand-embarassment as quickly as possible.

Vanishing into thin air to pop up suddenly next to Shirota Mahiru, who was waiting at the main entrance, would certainly fall into Tsubaki's category of suspicious behaviour.

And he would not throw away his chance of getting to know the auburn-haired boy so easily.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"And those?" Sakuya's eyes wandered over the ample display of sunglasses before them.

Tsubaki was pointing to a pair which had, in comparison to his usual pair, glasses that were more square-shaped and tinted indigo.

"I'm not sure." Sakuya replied honestly, holding onto the Servamp's sunglasses for over 15 minutes now as the Servamp tried on different models.

"Let's give it a shot, hm?" Tsubaki said, and observed himself in one of the small mirrors attached on top of the stand.

"Not _quite_." he said, shaking his head, apparently they did not fit his expectations. Sakuya observed as he turned around the display, perusing the section on the other side.

It had only been an hour since he had left school. Right on time with the bell announcing the end of lessons, he received a text from Tsubaki that he was waiting for him at the parking lot and to hurry up. Sakuya, once again, was completely oblivious as to what it was that the Servamp wanted him for.

He'd been surprised, to say the least, to learn that he was apparently taking him shopping.

After spending some time tending to Tsubaki's exclusive fashion tastes in Ura-Hara's boutiques, they arrived at Omotesando Hills.

Sakuya tried to focus on the chatter of people milling in the aisles of the enormous shopping centre, but all he could actually focus on was the throb of their arteries. He tried to breathe deeply and apply the relaxing techniques that Otogiri had taught him.

"Hungry, Sakuya-kun? Tsubaki's razor sharp instincts picked up on his distress before he had to make it audible.

But maybe he too, was experiencing similar sensations.

"I guess." Sakuya mumbled, nervously crossing his arms in front of his chest. Tsubaki's hand wandered in his bag and pulled out a mint green thermos jug.

" We'll have to share, I only brought one... _smoothie."_ he said, and smirked. Sakuya's eyes widened, and he thankfully accepted the container. He nipped at it carefully, not wanting to leave any smears on the corner of his mouth, and handed it back after several thoroughly refreshing swigs.

"How long did you need to, well-" he broke off, not exactly sure how to voice this when keen ears were present.

"The transition to a vegan lifestyle?" Tsubaki replied, amusement lacing his tone. Sakuya admired the way in which he had turned _controlling the need to suck people's blood on a daily basis_ into a harmless conversation about nutrition.

"Y-yes, I suppose." he answered. Tsubaki had apparently seen enough sunglasses, and suggested they moved on. He drank his own fill before he spoke, licking his lips while stowing away the thermos flask again.

"It takes years, Sakuya-kun." he said, reaching out to pat his shoulder, "Well, I suppose, it's always a bit easier when you have other va- vegans around you. For example, _hypothetically speaking_ , being abandoned while left with such a desi- decision is a more than un _desirable_ combination." His lips thinned in a line of distaste.

Tsubaki's past was a topic that no-one in the household brought up (unless they wanted to face Tsubaki's wrath, according to Shamrock), but apparently he had not kept everything from his Subclass.

One of the more known facts was that he had seven siblings, all of them Servamps, named after the Seven Deadly Sins. Sakuya could recount that there were _Pride_ and _Envy_ and _Gluttony_ and _Greed_ and _Wrath_ and _Lust_ and _Sloth_ , but he had neither heard of _Melancholy_ , nor an eight sin, being mentioned anywhere.

"Anyway." Tsubaki said at that very moment, with a smile forced enough for Sakuya decide that it was still not the right moment to ask about his past, "You will learn in time. Right now, it's time to focus on your school supplies."

"School supplies?" Sakuya hurriedly asked, "I do have supplies." He pointed at his worn-down backpack, which had done well enough to assist him during his first week at High School.. Tsubaki rolled his eyes. " _Decent supplies_." he said in a decisive tone, dragging Sakuya into the nearest stationary store for stationery, which fortunately included an entire section dedicated to school bags.

It did take them almost an hour to find all the materials that first years would need (Tsubaki carried the school-issued list with him and Sakuya was not certain _how_ he had gotten hold of it, neither did he want to know). Sakuya laid his eyes on a dark carrier bag with lighter grey handles. Tsubaki agreed with his choice, and when they had made their purchases and left the store,, heading towards the food court ( "Keeping up appearances" Tsubaki said, but Sakuya knew it was a cheap excuse to try out another sushi diner), they passed an electronics store.

It was the same store they had visited when Sakuya had still been new to the clan, almost one and a half years ago now, and the memory it brought up was a pleasant one.

 

* * *

 

 

 

" _Do you need anything?" Sakuya had asked, looking up at him curiously. He had never pegged Tsubaki to be the type to enjoy any type of media entertainment, leaving aside thrillers he loved to watch with Belkia hiding his face in his chest._

" _No, but I remembered that you mentioned that you were missing your headphones, right?" Tsubaki said thoughtfully, "And I haven't gotten you anything to celebrate joining our clan." There were so many points worth protesting in that last sentence, that Sakuya barely knew where to start._

" _There's really no need- wait,I did?" Sakuya said, blushing in embarrassment. He recalled the moment, they had been driving in the middle of the night and Tsubaki had made conversation, asking him if he wished for anything in the future._

" _Nothing, really." Sakuya had replied, and had added: "A new pair of headphones someday. Mine broke." as a casual afterthought, and then returned the question._

" _Yes. It's fortunate, since I was not sure what to give you." Tsubaki answered, entering the store._

" _Wait, wait." Sakuya had held onto his sleeve. Tsubaki turned around, mustering him with an expression that made Sakuya swallow._

" _You don't question a present. " the Servamp of Melancholy told him, "Now, go and pick out a pair."_

" _But-" Tsubaki silenced him with a wave of his hand._

" _Do you really want me to send Belkia to get you one? I don't know when I'll be here the next time."_

_Sakuya sighed, exasperated and still very much flustered._

" _Is it really-"_

" _I'll be over there." Tsubaki had interrupted him swiftly, and turned towards the CD section. Apparently the conversation was finished for him._

_And it was seriously nothing to argue about, Sakuya thought to himself, but he felt like he had to. It had been a few months now, Tsubaki was still a stranger to him, he could not just let him buy things for him, but it seemed the vampire was not giving him any choice._

_The headphones in question looked equally good to him, but like someone other than him was ought to wear them. Someone who actually knew how to be a vampire to be reckoned with. Someone who did not wake up to nightmares about his sister and his parents every few days, with a quiet cry, that was still loud enough to alert Tsubaki a few doors down._

_Tsubaki didn't have to come, sit by the side of his bed and hold his hand until he fell back asleep, but he still did, every time without fail. It was comforting, but made Sakuya feel terribly dependent. For the moment though, there seemed to be nothing he could do about it, other than considering himself lucky that he had finally escaped the nightmare that had been his previous home._

" _You're equally picky, I see." a voice by his ear spoke up and Sakuya almost jumped. He had not paid much attention to his surroundings, and Tsubaki had successfully sneaked up behind him._

" _I'm still- looking." Sakuya answered, which was as close to the truth as it could get. More accurately, he had been staring blankly at the shelves of headphones while pondering his own uselessness._

" _Hm, in that case-" Tsubaki said, observing the choice himself, "How about- this one?"_

_He held up a pair of red and black headphones. The colours reminded Sakuya of the Servamp himself, and wasn't it supposed to be a gift received from Tsubaki?_

" _They're perfect." he replied._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Mahiru admired his new bag the very next day, and Sakuya hoped he had not sounded suspicious when he said his own uncle had taken him shopping. It was not _really_ a lie, this time. Yet he felt as though he had to calculate his every move and watch his every step. Anytime.

If he did badly in his classes, then that would draw attention, so he had to do well enough to stay ahead of his Sakuya worked hard, and did his utmost to concentrate and deliver good results.

But when Mahiru threw him a brilliant smile in the middle of their English lesson, Sakuya could think of nothing less relevant than the proper use of tenses, because he _had been perfect_ was none less true than he _was perfect_ and _is perfect_ and _will be perfect forever_. Sakuya truly was doomed, and for the first time, this had nothing to do with him gaining immortality.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

A strange mood had laid itself on the Tsubaki household, and it was one that promised nothing good.

Sakuya came home earlier from school one Thursday, the substitute teacher having let them out after handing them out assigned homework for that lesson. Mahiru was going to spend the day with his uncle, so Sakuya had headed back to Tsubaki's house.

He heard voices coming from the kitchen, irritated voices, but the conversation died down as soon as he took another step into the hallway, the fine hearing even his most careful attempts at being discreet. Sakuya did not exactly want to enter what was most likely a conflict, but there was leftover cake waiting for him in the fridge and he could not suppress the tinge of curiosity.

The entire inner circle was assembled there, and they all simultaneously looked up at him when he entered, minus Tsubaki, who was staring at the marble tiles with a rather sinister expression.

Belkia prodded him cautiously, but the Servamp shook his head very slightly.

"Go to your room, Sakuya." he said, without looking up.

"Did...did something happen?" Sakuya asked, turning to Shamrock, who was the most reliable of the entire group when it came to conversations and information.

"I'm afraid nothing you can help us with." the older man sighed, with an attempt at a pacifying smile.

"But- can I at least know what happened?" Sakuya replied. He was a member after all, and wasn't he supposed to be just as informed as the rest of them?

"Not for the moment." Tsubaki said, finally meeting his gaze, and the mixture of anger, betrayal and vengeful desire reflected in his eyes forced the younger vampire to break eye contact immediately. Silence fell on the group.

"I'll be going then." Sakuya said, forgetting entirely about the cake as he stumbled to his room, and sat down on his bed. He did not hear another word of the conversation, but with Shamrock's reputation of practicing excellent muting techniques, this was to be expected.

It was hard to focus on his homework when the uneasy feeling of being left in the dark made him terribly restless.

He almost sighed with relief, when someone finally opened the door to his room an hour later, only to mask his dissappointment when it turned out to be Belkia and not Tsubaki.

"Do you want some dinner?" the pink-haired vampire asked, seeming about as uncomfortable in Sakuya's room as the latter felt about him being there in the first place.

"Meeting's over?" Sakuya casually asked, turning around in his desk chair, feigning disinterest.

Belkia rolled his eyes. "You're not getting a _word_ out of me, newbie, I'm not falling for that old trick." He snapped his fingers and grinned at Sakuya mockingly. "Well?"

"Just a minute." Sakuya let out a tired groan.

"Good." Belkia's hand was already on the door handle, when an idea hit Sakuya all of a sudden.

"W-wait!" he called out.

"What is it, newbie?" The self-acclaimed magician glanced behind.

"I know you can't spill any details, but- well..." Sakuya swallowed, telling himself not to be so nervous about posing the question, they were all _vampires_ , for God's sake,

"No one is going to die, right?"

Belkia took a few seconds to ponder his question, but when he replied, it was with a smirk:

"No one on our side."

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Listen." Tsubaki stopped him dead in the hallway, stretching out his arm to block passage when Sakuya had been about to skirt by him with but a hasty nod of his head, "I don't know _what_ Belkia told you, but I'm pretty certain it was an exaggeration."

Or was it, Sakuya thought, looking up at the Servamp wearily. Tsubaki seemed downright fatigued these days and appeared at even less regular intervals in the mansion. It had made Sakuya's primary task to _avoid a conversation subtly_ far easier, but apparently he had not been nearly as subtle as he had hoped.

"Now, don't give me that look." Tsubaki said, pinching his forehead, "You've probably imagined all sorts of terrible things by now, but I can tell you there's absolutely no need."

"How _should_ I know?" Sakuya said, desperation clawing its way into his voice, "No-one is telling me anything, anyway!"

Tsubaki burst out laughing and Sakuya knew what kind of laughter that was;

it was the one where Tsubaki stopped midway- as he did now- to grace him with a blank stare: "Not interesting at all."

"Sorry." Sakuya muttered, "But it's not entirely untrue."

Tsubaki glanced out of the window, where the evening sun was just beginning to set.

"Come on. Let's go for a walk."

Sakuya did not object.

They spent the first hour wandering through the nearest recreational park without any great destination in mind. Sakuya was beginning to feel on edge, but he did not want to push Tsubaki, wanted to hear the vampire explain himself and be honest with him.

For that, he was willing to wait for a while. Tsubaki, who usually would not hesitate to make any kind of conversation, remained in a stony silence.

It did not bother him in the slightest that the park was by now bathed in the dusk of the early night. Ever since his transformation he had begun to not fear the fading of day anymore, but to embrace it. It heightened his already sharp senses and gave him an exhilarating feeling of anonymity.

"So." Tsubaki said, clearing his throat, and Sakuya turned to look at him in hesitant expectation.

–

"So...you received information that some of your siblings are in or around this town, right? And highly...dangerous, at least, you said that _Greed_ was not unfamiliar with murdering his own Eve's and of of them isnot called _Wrath_ for nothing, is she? And you've never met them? And you're about to – wage a war against them?" Sakuya had not decided which one of the tidbits of information that Tsubaki had told him was the worst one. It was currently a race between the second and fourth.

"Yes, Sakuya-kun." Tsubaki appeared almost bored, and the younger vampire was at a loss "I repeated it, didn't I?"

"But- but you know. I had a sister. We also fought. What- what about _talking_ to them-"

" _Sakuya-kun_." Tsubaki said, icily and Sakuya broke off his sentence.

Tsubaki jerked his head to the side, as though bothered by an irritating fly.

"My siblings aren't the type that you can simply talk to."

"Didn't you say you didn't know them?" Sakuya threw in, before he could hold himself back, regretting it the next instant.

Tsubaki wasn't angry, though. He scoffed, and ruffled through his hair, almost a bit painfully. "What a smart boy we have here, hm?"

"That's too hard, Tsubaki-san." Sakuya objected quietly, but not quietly enough for Tsubaki not to hear.

The older vampire reduced the pressure of his hand until it was but a caress,one that brought Sakuya back to the swings in his childhood neighbourhood and gave him back the feeling of safety that his sister's death had torn away.

He didn't know what Tsubaki did or how he did it, but it once again was just as pleasant as it had been.

He leaned into Tsubaki's touch carefully- uncertain if he was yet too old for this, uncertain if Tsubaki would even want him in this proximity.

The Servamp registered his slight movement, and, to Sakuya's utter relief, let him be. He dropped his hand, instead laying his arm around Sakuya and drawing him even closer.

"This is a complicated matter. Yes, I probably should've told you earlier, but I didn't know what to do myself. And I didn't want to frighten you." he spoke quietly. It was close to an apology.

"It's fine." Sakuya shrugged, very slightly, not wanting to be let out of the semi-embrace so far. It was fine to him, sitting with Tsubaki side-by-side, the chirp of cicadas in the background and the cool, yet not chilling wind that rustled the leaves above them.

"Also, Sakuya-kun." Tsubaki continued, "I'm afraid I can't promise you that it will be _easy_ from now on. Rather, it looks like I will have to employ all of your battling skills quite soon ." He glanced at him. It was questioning, doubting even.

If there was one thing Sakuya could not stand, right after lying, it was being doubted.

"I'm loyal to you, Tsubaki-san." he said, voice firm with determination, "I would _never_ betray you."

"But what if – let's say, _hypothetically_ _speaking,_ you would have to go up against one of your friends for that sake? For my sake?" Tsubaki's eyes narrowed, and for a split second, Sakuya could see the dark fox, the animal shape which Tsubaki was able to take, glinting slyly in their depths.

Sakuya instantly thought of Mahiru.

He didn't exactly recount stories of his school life in front of any of the other members, but Tsubaki had pestered him often enough that he'd let the one or other name slip and if it had only been to escape Tsubaki's teasing about why he was not finally bringing his (completely nonexistent) girlfriend home.

It was now that he asked himself if that might have been a mistake.

He bit his lip, resisted the urge to look away and give away his conflicting thoughts, did his best to chase them out of his mind. Tsubaki had given him all he had ever asked for or even wished for without ever voicing the words.

A home, a family.

A place to belong.

He loved Mahiru, he did. And that was exactly why the thought of parting from him tore him apart.

But even though having to choose between either one would be dreadful, he already knew with a deeply founded sense of certainty that he could not, would not, _ever_ leave Tsubaki-san.

All he could hope for that he would never have to make the choice.

"I would never betray you, Tsubaki-san." he told him, with a fierce glare that would've made Belkia proud. "I swear!"

Sakuya did not know what the future would bring, but at least he was certain of one thing: He was not a liar. Be

Tsubaki kept his gaze locked on him for another breath, then swiftly turned away.

"I know, I know." he muttered, as though to himself, crouching down in his seat before all of a sudden, lifting himself himself again, letting out a laugh, slapping his knee. Sakuya had seen enough sides of Tsubaki that his antics didn't even startle him anymore. Rather, seeing him fall back into his usual demeanor filled him with relief.

"Ah, Sakuya-kun." he said, with a slight smile, "All these serious matters are giving me a headache. How about we go to my favourite store? It's a treat."

Sakuya realized that taking him out for sushi was simply an effective method to change the topic and distract him (maybe even the Servamp himself) from the matters at hand. He was glad. He didn't want to spend another second thinking about it.

"I'd love to."

 

* * *

 

 

 

"We're moving?" Sakuya asked, stunned. Tsubaki had assembled them in the kitchen again (all of them included him this time, a fact he noticed with some relief) and had just delivered the piece of news that apparently took not only him off guard.

"Tsubakyun- _why_ exactly is that necessary?" Belkia asked, pouting in Tsubaki's direction.

"The young master believes the situation calls for a more central operational base." Shamrock said evenly.

"The situation being the waging of war against my dear siblings, to be clear." Tsubaki added, in far too light of a voice.

"Well, anything's fine for me, as long as I get a room to myself." Higan shrugged.

"All of you will have a room to themselves." Tsubaki said, with a wink, "And our little circle will be on the top floor, with the best view there is."

Belkia, Higan and even Shamrock reacted with loud exclamations of astonishment. Otogiri and Sakuya kept themselves in the background, as they always did.

Sakuya didn't know exactly how he felt about the news. He had begun settling in the mansion and viewing it as his home. Sure, it would be nice to live in a hotel for a while, but as luxurious as it was ( he did not want to think about how many mind tricks Tsubaki had played for this to work), it would never feel like a permanent residence.

"For how long will that be, though?" Sakuya voiced.

Five heads turned in his direction. He almost regretted his inquiry.

"How long it is necessary." Tsubaki said, unperturbed by his question. "And now get packing. I'll be informing the rest of the clan."

As Sakuya walked to this room, he asked himself whether the fact that Tsubaki himself did not know for how long their fighting would last was a good or an extremely bad sign.


	3. Truth Be Told

Sakuya yawned as they exited the school building. He had never thought that a lack of sleep would ever be a problem again, but since the Melancholy clan had spent the entire previous day and night moving, he had been completely awake until he had to pick up his backpack and leave for school. By the double lesson of maths at the end of the day, he was tempted to tell his teacher to solve the calculus practice problems himself if he believed he could, thank you very much, but the idea of being picked up by Tsubaki from the principal's office quickly stopped him from doing so.

"You okay?" Mahiru asked gently, concerned as ever, when they passed through the school gate and hit the road home.

"I'm fine." Sakuya replied promptly, "I just..." He drove a hand through his hair, fidgety about having to tell a lie, "Didn't sleep well."

"I see." Mahiru replied, and breathed in deeply, "I _did_ feel like sleeping when Yashiro- sensei told us to finish exercise 20. Have you seen how many subquestions it has?" He gave him a slightly exaggerated look of desperation, and Sakuya grinned.

"I did. Who writes those books?" he asked.

"Crazy people." Mahiru nodded vehemently, "Hell bent on torturing poor students."

"Knowing you, one day you'll decide to go into education, and actually start writing them."

Sakuya teased, "Seeing as no-one else will volunteer to."

"I won't!" Mahiru rejected the idea, voice laced with horror.

"Bet you will!" Sakuya gave back, feeling very much as though he was still a primary schooler, enjoying the simple moment of carelessness, and nudged him.

"Bet I won't!" Mahiru said, pushing him back.

"Bet you will!"

It went on for a while until they dissolved in laughter. Then, it grew quiet again, and increasingly awkward, as it often did in recent times. Sakuya did not know why. He wondered if it had something to do with how he was suddenly hyper-aware of Mahiru's eyes and how well his clothes framed his slender body and how adorable his laugh sounded.

 _Oh no, you don't_ , he firmly told himself, _You stop thinking these things right now. Thinking gay thoughts about your best friend will not get you anywhere, you know?_

Sakuya had relieved that his moral consciousness was apparently still working.

"Sakuya, have you ever...dated anyone before?" Mahiru asked at that moment, out of the blue. Sakuya flinched. Was he a mind reader?

The odd happenstance was explained quickly by the fact that Mahiru had stopped to stare at a billboard that advertised a fancy dating website.

"Well- no. No I didn't." Sakuya replied, glad to be able to tell the truth. There was simply no way he could have brought anyone home, when growing up, which was made easier by the fact that he had never truly been interested in anyone. Until now.

He scratched his head. "And you- did you, um..." he trailed off, as a wave of jealousy rolled over him.

He did _not want_ Mahiru to have had a date before. He knew, by Mahiru's looks and his personality, that this was a sheer impossibility, and already got ready to put on a charming smile to whatever girl's name that was going to fall of his lips next, when Mahiru surprised him once more.

"I – no, no I didn't, either." Mahiru said, grinning shyly.

"You- you what?" Sakuya exclaimed and stared at him. It was Mahiru's turn to fidget awkwardly. "Well, it's not unusual-"

"But you! I mean, you!" Sakuya felt as though in that very moment, he understood why Belkia used dramatics to express himself. There were certain things that were far too mind- boggling to be conveyed with simple words.

He gestured a little helplessly and rambled on: "I mean, look at you, no date at all? That's- how does that work?" It had been intended as a friendly compliment, but when Mahiru blushed about ten shades of red, Sakuya did, too.

"I mean." he said, lost in words, "I don't mean it badly, I do think you're a genuinely amazing person-" and he broke off once again, realizing that this was not exactly ameliorating the situation. He glanced around, to see if there was perhaps a lamppost nearby that he could casually walk into.

The flush was still quite present on his best friend's face.

"Thank you, Sakuya-kun." Mahiru said, laughing nervously "I didn't know you thought so highly off me."

"I just- just think you are a very good friend." Sakuya muttered. He felt sweat trickle down his back.

"You are a very good friend, too." Mahiru replied, with an affectionate smile , obviously more than ready to leave the situation of mortification as Sakuya dubbed it in his head behind, "I'm so glad we met, back then."

"Me too." Sakuya said, putting on a smile.

And equally back was the guilt which he had managed to shove far away for the longest time.

Mahiru was all smiles now, most likely reminiscing on their elementary school time that had never existed.

But this was a thing he could not and would not undo.

There was however, another way in which he could attempt to make up for his deed.

"Listen Mahiru." he said, after a solid minute of silence, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"A secret?" Mahiru was stunned for a second, before he nodded.

"Anything." he said quietly, reaching out to grasp his hand (Sakuya felt increasingly hot beneath his uniform all of a sudden), "You can tell me anything. It's safe with me."

And it would be safe with him, Sakuya could tell from the earnest, honest look in his eyes and from all he already knew about Mahiru. At that moment, he wondered what it would be like if he did tell him a secret.

If he told him about turnig into a vampire, and what a scary and yet liberating experience it had been. If he told him about his parents, and what they had done to him and his sister. If he told him about Tsubaki adopting him. If he told him about Belkia, Higan, Otogiri and Shamrock. About the actual life he lived.

The good thing about thoughts was that they could be pondered for a few seconds, then be tossed away as quickly as they had come before they could cause you to commit a truly stupid mistake.

He grasped Mahiru's hand back, gave it a tentative squeeze, watched with a sense of terrified fascination as the blush returned to his face, if only slightly.

_What did this mean? Surely not what he thought._

He let go of it again, ignoring how Mahiru seemed the tiniest bit disappointed. "Mahiru, I – heard a rumour that there are gang wars around here.

"Gang wars?" Mahiru asked.

"Gang wars." Sakuya confirmed. As much as he hated lying, there simply was no way he could be honest with Mahiru at the moment. That not gangs, but vampire clans were soon to be at war, was but a minor detail, wasn't it? "And they're about to become pretty extreme – a fight for a new leader, or something."

"Where did you hear that?" Mahiru questioned, apparently torn between scepticism and curiosity.

"Oh, I've heard it here and there." Sakuya said vaguely, "But – I think there might be something about it! I have this sort of _feeling."_

_The sort of feeling where I didn't feed for a while and I would very much like to taste your blood, because I'm so damn hungry._

"But- around here?" Mahiru said, sounding shocked, "I had no idea."

"Same here." Sakuya answered "But that's just how the rumour goes. So, be careful, yeah? I will do my best to be careful, too."

"Yes, sure." Mahiru nodded with a smile, "Thanks, Sakuya-kun."

Turning the next corner, they said their goodbyes. akuya had to pretend to walk the same way home for the next time, at least until their parting point. Mahiru had never been to the mansion, but it lay in a completely different direction that the centrally located hotel.

And, as much of an expert he was by now in inventing excuses, he could not for the life of him think of a way to make: "My uncle decided to let us all move into a hotel overnight to conduct his operations from there." sound anything but incredibly suspicious.

He noticed a silver Toyota Yaris pull up next to him and halted in his tracks.

The window on the driver's side was lowered and Higan poked his head out. "Hop in, newbie." Sakuya had already given up on losing that nickname anytime soon. After him, Tsubaki had still saved and turned more people, thus extending his Subclass, but he had not recruited anyone else to the inner circle. Sakuya remained the newest and the youngest member.

"There's no need for you to drive me home." Sakuya said, as he got in on the passenger's side. Higan hummed and turned on the radio as he directed the car back into traffic. "I just like doing so anyway."

The jingle of a popular and most importantly, modern radio channel made Sakuya sigh in relief. No opera ballads this time.

"Thank you." he said, giving Higan a smile and leaned back, closing his eyes in exhaustion.

"Long day, hm?" Higan commented and Sakuya nodded, making as little of movement as possible.

"Tsubaki _did_ tell you to sleep." the red-haired vampire said.

"Didn't want to." Sakuya mumbled, "Wanted to help."

"Oh, help you certainly did." Higan chuckled and then went on about how the moving was still going on until every last member had settled in the hotel.

Sakuya hummed and nodded at the appropriate places, but his mind was far away, somewhere with Mahiru.

"That's a sweet friend you had there, by the way." Higan said, and Sakuya jolted in his seat.

"My- what?"

"Your friend." Higan replied, with a grin, "I was starting to wonder why you weren't sending me that pic, but now it all makes sense."

Sakuya felt a little faint. He could hardly believe this conversation was happening. He still hoped it might just be an exhaustion induced hallucination.

He pinched himself and winced quietly, realizing that it was indeed reality.

"I- what exactly did you see?" he asked meekly, not certain if he wanted to hear the answer.

"Oh, just you two having a pleasant little chat and then turning the colour of tomatoes." Higan let out a barking laugh at that last one.

Sakuya slumped into his seat.

"Ah." he said, "How _pleasant_."

Higan glanced at him, and Sakuya saw that his features had softened a bit. "Sorry kid, but it was just too funny. I didn't spy on you for any longer."

 _At least he hadn't seen them almost holding hands_ , Sakuya noted, glad that particular bit had been saved from Higan's keen eyes.

"I know what's it like those first times, I do remember the first ladies I went out with." " Higan reminisced, "You barely know what you're doing! You ask yourself if you are a complete idiot."

Sakuya had already asked himself this on a daily basis, even before falling hard for Shirota Mahiru.

"But mostly, you are doing better than you think." Higan said, and the grin was back on his lips. "So, Sakuya-kun, don't worry too much. And take it slowly." He looked close to wagging his finger at him. Sakuya was glad the rush of traffic prevented him from doing so.

"Please don't tell Tsubaki-san." he muttered, and bit his lip. He felt as though the Servamp already knew far too much about him than he ought to, and would rather save himself another, certainly far longer and far more embarassing conversation like this one.

"No, no, don't worry." Higan assured him, "I'm not telling him unless it becomes necessary. Your secret is safe with this old man."

It was apparently secret exchanging day, Sakuya noted glumly, hoping the threshold for _necessary_ was extremely high.

"Thank you." he said, staring straight at the road and attempted to memorize the exact way to the hotel, both as an important tool and a momentary distraction.

"Of course." Higan replied, "I suppose you are aware of certain- well, mechanics though, aren't you? Meaning-"

" _Extremely aware_." Sakuya interjected hastily, his voice rising to a higher pitch.

"Okay, good." Higan said, nodding casually while the younger vampire slumped even deeper in his seat, pondering if this day could get any more awkward, "Just making sure."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sakuya waved good bye to Mahiru, Koyuki and Ryusei. They had celebrated their classmate's birthday at a karaoke bar, which had gone longer than any of them had anticipated.

Tsubaki didn't mind and simply told him to be home by midnight.

Sakuya laughed quietly himself as he remembered Mahiru putting his all into reciting a certain Spice Girls classic. For the line: "If you want to be my lover", Mahiru had looked and vaguely pointed into Sakuya's direction. At least, Sakuya wanted to believe he had.

He shook his head at his own desperate longing. His favourite song had been the one that talked about dogs and someone letting them out, which wonderfully had absolutely nothing to do with potentially one-sided boy crushes and blood thirsty vampires.

The evening had served well to take his mind off any recent worries. That's why he believed to be hallucinating when he picked up a strong, metallic scent emanating from one of the side allies. Sakuya almost, almost (and how he later wished that he had) turned his head and walked on, but curiosity, hunger and a certain sense of obligation (after all, if someone lay injured there, someone should be helping them) made him change his direction.

The first thing he heard was a high-pitched, very familiar laugh.

There was a body lying on the ground. Sakuya could still hear a weak heartbeat, which was slowing rapidly. Blood seeped out from underneath the person's head like a morbid halo.

" _Sakkuuuuun!_ " The voice teased and Sakuya froze in terror. A slender body stepped out of the shadow, pink-hair falling over their shoulders, mouth stretched in a frightening grin. "Would you like a little snack?"

Sakuya ignored the gnawing of hunger in his stomach.

"What the hell are you doing?" he roared, staring at Belkia, "What is this?"

Belkia had meanwhile taken several steps closer to him and all of Sakuya's hopes that maybe, Belkia hadn't been the primary attacker, maybe, Belkia had simply found the person and was attempting to fool him diminished. Blood was generously smeared on his lips, dripping of his glinting glasses, his long nails.

And Belkia pouted at him, even going so far as to raise an eyebrow. "Sakuya-kun, you're no fun. Tsubaki told me to go out and send a warning message to the first Servamp's clan that crossed my path. I'm merely carrying out orders."

"Like hell you are!" Sakuya shook with fury, and he suppressed the urge to throw a flurry of insults at Belkia. There was a life at stake here, and it outweighed the importance of informing Tsubaki-san that one of his most trusted me was apparently completely out of his mind.

He rushed forward, kneeling down next to the person, and bit his own wrist.

"Sakuya-kun!" Belkia protested, "You little-"

"Shut up." Sakuya growled, "Just shut up." He held his bleeding wrist to the person's mouth. Only now did he notice that they were still young, surely under twenty. The boy had ginger hair, and green eyes blearily opened when Sakuya kept nudging his hand against his lips. "Drink." Sakuya said, softly, "Drink, you'll feel better."

All his anxiety vanished. He felt in control, as though he knew exactly what he was doing, as though he could finally be of help.

These thoughts were interrupted abruptly, when Belkia stepped forward, pushed him aside and slashed the person's throat.

"B-Belkia..." Sakuya gasped the name, horror filling every crevice of his body with an ice-cold sensation.

"You ruin my fun again and I'll kill you! I swear to god, I don't care that Tsubaki thinks you're his precious long lost son, I will personally dismember you!" Belkia threatened, smirking at him when his primary anger began to dissipate.

Sakuya felt the heart-beat die down, as slowly and painfully as it happened in hospital dramas on TV, only that this was reality and this person was dead for good, no actor that would be talking and laughing and breathing again once they had finished shooting the scene.

Belkia took another step closer to him, and another, while Sakuya backed away until he was almost leaning against the dirty wall of the alley.

"Shoo, little boy." Belkia told him, in a mocking tone that oddly matched his menacing gaze, "Don't make me tell you twice."

Sakuya caught his breath, his heart hammering away painfully against his ribs, then he turned around and ran.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Alright. Sit down, Sakuya. Seriously." Tsubaki said, and Sakuya felt close to yelling at him, too.

He'd burst into the hotel a few minutes ago after running there at a neckbreaking-speed; then had endured, grinding his teeth, as the elevator inched upwards at a torturously slow pace. When it finally come to a halt at their floor, he had stormed out, and directly nto Tsubaki. The other had taken notice of his ashen face, he had directed him to the sitting room without another word.

"Belkia killed someone!" Sakuya repeated, voice rising in volume. Higan appeared in the doorway, cigarette tucked into the corner of his mouth. "Who? One of our clan?" Higan said, frowning and Sakuya immediately turned to him.

If Tsubaki was going to remain unbelievably calm about the entire situation, maybe at least the red-haired vampire possessed some common sense.

"No." he said, "But- he said, he said." he broke up midway, catching a lungful of air, "Said it was a subclass' of another clan. That he did it on Tsubaki's orders!" He stared at Higan, desperately, waiting for some shock to finally manifest itself on his features, waited for Higan to declare Belkia a full-blown maniac, and loudly wonder where he would get such ridiculous ideas from.

But it did not come. Instead, Higan only let out a tired sigh, and addressed Tsubaki the way he had never spoken to the head of clan before, almost as though he was blaming him:

" _Tsubaki-san._ Don't say you haven't told him."

"Haven't told me what?" Sakuya exclaimed, rising to his feet.

"Sit. Down." Tsubaki snapped.

"You still haven't answered!" Higan ignored him, fully turning on Tsubaki-san with a look in his eyes that promised nothing good, "Have you told him or not?"

Tsubaki looked away for a split second. "There...was never the right time." he muttered, "I was going to, eventually."

Higan let out a laugh that sounded furious. "The right time, _my ass_!"

"Higan-san, please. Language." A dismissive voice joined their conversation, as a disgruntled Shamrock stepped into the room.

"Shamrock-san." Sakuya addressed him, with newfound hope, and so as only to push away the dark premonition building up in the corners of his mind.

"Please. Help me."

"What's going on?" Shamrock asked. Tsubaki opened his mouth, and Sakuya quickly intervened before he could wrongly appease the other.

"Belkia killed someone." he repeated, "There was blood. Lots of blood. A subclass vampire of another clan, and he seemed to be enjoying it."

Shamrock clicked his tongue. Sakuya's heart sank. There was no cry of outrage. There wasn't even an inkling of surprise in his features.

"Oh, that maniac is going overboard again. As though a simple kill wouldn't suffice." He shook his head dismissively.

Sakuya's knees felt as though they consisted of jelly. He lent onto the next chair he could grasp. His voice shook slightly as he spoke, still hoping that this was merely a nightmare he would wake up from any second now. "Does this happen often? What's going on?"

"Sit down." Tsubaki told him for the third time, still avoiding eye contact.

"Like hell I will." Sakuya growled.

"Sakuya-kun, _please_." It was Shamrock's turn to dismissively shake his head at him. The single eyebrow rose.

"What is it? Don't tell me you lot _regularly kill people_." Sakuya said, and the room fell completely silent.

"Well." Higan scratched his head, "Newbie, look. Vampires aren't like humans, first and-"

"You do?" Sakuya whispered, "You kill people that haven't done anything? I was told that you only killed enemies and only- sometimes!"" A tremble ran through his body, as he recalled what Tsubaki had told him when he first joined, and what turned out to be yet another, horrid lie.

"Tsubaki, for how long were you going to keep up this act?" Higan groaned, "You forbid us to explain anything to him. I was counting on you to do it."

"Belkia was supposed to stay in a different part of town." Tsubaki muttered, "That idiot-"

"You lied to me!" Both Higan and Shamrock shrank back when he did yell. The Servamp of Melancholy turned to look at him, appearing bored.

"Yes, so?"

"Yes, so?" Sakuya repeated, stupefied. Ever since hissister fell off the balcony, ever since his parents' hreats sealed his mouth shut, he had never felt this immense betrayal again.

"What if I kill people because I hope I will finally stop feeling this melancholy? So what?" Tsubaki said, taking a menacing step towards Sakuya.

"What if Belkia sometimes kills people merely because they ignore him? So what?" he continued. One more step, and Sakuya stepped backwards in return, vividly remembering how Belkia had approached him.

"Stop it, Tsubaki-san." Higan said quietly, but Tsubaki did not pay him any attention. His voice only rose slightly, with a mere edge of fury, but it was enough for Sakuya to swallow.

"What if some of them haven't attacked me or any of my Subclass' before we attack them? So what?" Tsubaki said, all the while continuing to approach Sakuya, "What if some of them are practically innocent? So what?"

Sakuya stopped breathing for a second, hearing his heartbeat thrum in his ear.

"What if I lied to you? So what?" Tsubaki stared him down, daring him to reply.

"Tsubaki, he's terrified. Stop it." Higan interjected.

"No, you were right." Tsubaki answered, coldly. "I was wrong for trying to spare him. This isn't a nice world. And being a part of my Subclass is not a promise of a peaceful life. He will have to learn the hard way.

His eyes glinted maliciously. Sakuya clenched his fist. This was not the Tsubaki he knew- but apparently the Tsubaki he had been all along.

"I despise you." Sakuya said, attempting to keep up a brave front, "Seems you're just a pathetic liar, after all." His voice shook.

"You're saying some _very uninteresting things_." Tsubaki hissed, grabbing his arm.

"Enough. That's very disrespectful towards our leader, Sakuya-kun." Shamrock threw in, and Higan heaved a sigh.

"I'm leaving. Let me go." Sakuya said. Tsubaki's grip tightened on him for a second, before growing completely lax.

"Leave." he said, "Get out of my sight!"

Sakuya scoffed, and walked towards the elevator without glancing behind, legs trembling every step of the way.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The city was still abuzz with people, even at 2 am.  Sakuya walked aimlessly, his heart still pounding from the shock.

He tried to push the worrying thought of not having a permanent home anymore to the side. He could make do. He would make do. Somehow.

He stopped, leaning against the window pane of the nearest shop, and tried to calm his breathing. Maybe it was for the best, after all. Maybe the Melancholy clan had only been a temporary home (not the permanent one he desired). They were _murderers_ , after all.

Whenever a happy or at least, nostalgic memory popped up in his mind, he replaced

it by Belkia's grinning, blood-streaked face in the ally, by the way Tsubaki had held his arm in a vice-like grip and hissed at him to leave for good.

Tsubaki's betrayal was what stung the most. Sakuya had trusted him to not lie to him (perhaps an occasional joke, but never about serious matters). And he had, all this time. They had been an abundance of occasions where he could've told him, but Tsubaki had chosen not to. Out of the frying pan into the fire- that's all it had been.

At least his parents had only murdered one person in their lives and attempted murder on a second - what did it really matter that it had been their children, lives were lives in the end, weren't they? So perhaps, Tsubaki wouldn't have murdered him, but Sakuya didn't know that _for sure_. He had never witnessed him this angry before. Perhaps there was more to come, perhaps this was yet another thing the vampire had hidden from him.

He should've been more alert. Maybe his insane laughter had always been a dead giveaway about his true nature. Maybe he shouldn't have just rolled his eyes at it, laughed himself at times even. He should've been more careful, but he hadn't, and had ended up again just like before: Dead, but not quite, and homeless.

His stomach growled. He sighed, fishing in his pockets. He found his phone and his wallet but its contents were meager. Of course. He'd only taken a certain amount of money for karaoke, and left the rest of his savings in the hotel. How much did he have? And should he really waste it on a meal now?

His eyes wandered over the people passing by and a darker, tempting part of his mind whispered to just wait until it got a little darker, a little emptier, until he could lure someone away by pretending to be lost and in need of help, before letting his teeth sink into their neck and feed until he couldn't drink another drop.

He shook his head vehemently. What kind of hypocrite would that make him?

Feeding directly was something that for now, he'd only done in emergencies, and he'd always, always wiped that person's memory and made sure they never lost too much blood to slip into a critical condition. He sighed and zipped his wallet close again. The food could wait for later, when he was truly hungry. Maybe by then, he would also figured out what to do. Or where he could stay for now.

Mahiru lived on his own, he remembered. And Mahiru would be the last person to refuse him a night's stay, rather the opposite. He'd probably be delighted to have him over.

But what kind of excuse could he come up with at two in the night.

That he had had a fight with the relatives he was staying with? He could say he didn't want ot talk about it, but that he couldn't go back right now, could he stay with him for a few days? Sakuya thought that sounded about right. Mahiru would never question his explanation. He'd probably try to comfort him, in the best case. In the worst case, he'd say something along the lines of: "If you don't want to go back to talk things over, then I will for you. Simply thinking, it's gotta be me!"

Sakuya winced at the thought of Mahiru and Tsubaki having any sort of conversation.

Yet another problem was that the issue at hand wasn't something he could simply _talk about_ with the rest of the Melancholy clan. A subclass vampire was forever bound to their Servamp and the only way to sever the bond would be to- a cold shiver ran down Sakuya's back. Kill him, he thought. Now that he had been kicked out, more or less, he couldn't stay in this town anymore, unless he wanted to get tracked down and murdered.

Sakuya clenched his fists in desperation. He had not asked for any of this. Perhaps he should have just died, perhaps the fall from the balcony should have been instantly fatal, so that he would have never had time to drink Tsubaki's blood. The afterlife was surely better than spending the next few days, months or years, depending on how fortunate he was, constantly on the run from a murderous clan of vampires who wanted him dead.

" _Fuck this!"_ he cursed, quietly, kicking against the window.

"If you break it, it's a problem."

He whipped up his head and found himself face to face with the source of the voice.

"Otogiri-san." he mumbled.

"Good evening." she said, voice calm and devoid of any emotion, "Good I found you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I hope someone picks up on that tiny, tiny reference in there...*slinks away to watch last episode of Servamp and cry, because it is the /last/ episode )


	4. Returning and Reliving

Sakuya hunched over the table, resting his head on his hand. He pondered whether to run, but decided against it, just as Otogiri emerged out of the queue of people in front of the popular fast food chain's counter. The white-haired placed a red plastic tray which held two bags of fries and two drinks on their table. She sat down on the bench opposite him, before pushing a single ketchup packet in his direction.

"You're not having any?" Sakuya asked, as he tore the wrapper open and poured some on top of his fries.

"No, I prefer them just like this. Very simple." Otogiri explained. Sakuya grimaced, as thoughts of Mahiru immediately surfaced in his mind

"I know it's not for everyone." Otogiri said, having misinterpreted his expression.

"No, no." Sakuya said, "It just...made me think of this friend I have. He also prefers...simple things."

"I already like him." Otogiri said, and then she gave him as much as a smile as he'd ever seen on her. He tried to smile back. If she was making an effort (unless she was trying to lull him in to kill him later, that was a possibility he had also considered) then he ought to make one, as well.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Sakuya felt nervous, but despite remaining in a vigilant state as he'd taught himself too, he wasn't frightened. He wasn't receiving any signs of hostility from Otogiri, and decided to trust his instinct.

They had never spoken much, which was facilitated by the fact that Otogiri never spoke much with _anyone_ , yet he admired her from afar, her grace paired with knowledge and the silent way in which she exercised power.

"Why did you come?" Sakuya asked, not making eye-contact. The answer was likely to have something to do with Tsubaki, and he was not sure whether he was ready to hear it.

"Someone had to." Otogiri said, matter-of-factly, "Tsubaki-san was very worried."

"H-he was?" the younger vampire said, tentatively raising his head.

"Yes." Otogiri answered. She sighed, softly. "He would've even gone after you himself. I apologize if this might have inconvenienced you, but I suggested it might be better if it was someone else for now. It was a rather unsettling situation and you might still be frightened and try to run."

"He would have?" Sakuya asked, unable to believe what he was hearing for the second time in only a few hours.

"Of course." the female clan member replied, nodding for emphasis.

"Oh." Sakuya mumbled. He felt his face heat up. He was still not used to it, the feeling that it did matter to an adult, where he was and whether he alright.

After his sister's death, he had decided to run away once, purposefully wanting to make his parents worry, wanted to force them to care and come looking for him.

No-one came. When he dragged himself home starving two days later, no-one had even noticed his absence, or at least they pretended they hadn't.

"You thought he wouldn't?" Otogiri asked bluntly, and Sakuya ducked, caught.

"I- I wasn't sure." he said, hesitating, "He threw me out, after all." He added in a mumble.

Otogiri seemed to contemplate this for a moment. "I wasn't there, but from what I've been told, he wanted you to return to your room, or at least, leave the current one. He didn't mean for you to leave the hotel, let aside run away." she explained.

"Well...I didn't...I didn't know that." Sakuya said evasively, not keen on being reminded of their argument.

"It's understandable." Otogiri answered, seeming unfazed, "It was an unclear instruction."

Sakuya suppressed a grin. That was a way of putting it, at least.

"So- you- you're not here to kill me?" he inquired, deciding to be completely open with her.

Otogiri shook her head.

"No, that would be unreasonable." she said, "You're forgetting that you're a part of our family. We don't kill our family members. That would be a problem."

"That's relieving to hear..." Sakuya mumbled. He felt the tension slowly, but surely dissipate from his body, when suddenly Otogiri's phone rang.

Sakuya thought that it could only really be one person calling, and Otogiri confirmed his suspicion immediately. "Yes, Tsubaki-san?" she said, picking up the call, "Yes."

Sakuya reached for another fry, both as a distraction and as an excuse to not speak at the moment. He chewed slowly, listening in as hard as he could, but except a few muffled words from the other end of the line, he could barely understood what was said.

After a while of conversation, she held the phone away from her ear , and fixed him with an inscrutable gaze. "Tsubaki-san believes you turned off your phone. He says to turn it back on. He tried to reach you several times."

Sakuya glanced to the side, and didn't answer.

The phone wandered back to Otogiri's ear. "I will be reachable,Tsubaki-san, if anything comes up. We will return within the next hour, if that is acceptable."

Apparently this was something she had decided without him. Sakuya sighed quietly.

A longer pause. "Yes. Yes, of course. Good bye." Otogiri ended the call.

"I can't go back right now." Sakuya said, immediately.

"It's your decision, then. No-one will make you." Otogiri replied. It took Sakuya off guard. He'd expected to be told in the same, emotionless tone that she would have no choice but to use force in this case.

"They won't?" Sakuya said, a little wearily.

"Tsubaki-san expects you to come back out of your free will. Though, if you refuse to return, I will be waiting with you until you are ready to."

"W-what?" Sakuya said, loudly enough for two middle-aged men a few tables across to turn around.

"I mean." he said, lowering his voice, "You don't have to babysit me. I'm fine on my own."

Otogiri leaned a bit closer towards him, her own voice hushed. "You would be fine on your own, under normal circumstances. However, Belkia has killed more than one other person tonight- " Sakuya shuddered as the memory returned- "And not everyone of Tsubaki-san's siblings is of peaceful nature. They might be out for revenge. That's why I will guard you, should you wish to stay away from the main quarters for now."

"So, there is a chance we might be attacked?" Sakuya asked, his stomach churning.

"There's always a chance." Otogiri vaguely said, "Although tonight, the odds are especially high. I would prefer to go back before something happens."

"Fine then." Sakuya mumbled.

She noticed his discomfort. "You don't want to go back yet?"

Sakuya shrugged. "I don't know if I can trust Tsubaki-san anymore." he admitted.

Otogiri tapped her chin.

"As understandable as that is." she replied, seeming to be choosing her words carefully, "Tsubaki-san wished to protect you and shield you for a bit longer from the ugly side of vampirism after the tragedy you had experienced with your family. He did what he thought was in your best interests, although in the end it might not have been."

"But he knows I hate liars." Sakuya interjected, "And yet..." He trailed off.

"Well." Otogiri said, "I believe that he should have told you, but I also believe everyone makes mistakes. You should consider forgiving him."

"We'll see." Sakuya mumbled.

"That's a start." Otogiri concluded, finishing her drink.

After a moment of silence, Sakuya cleared his throat. "Thanks for coming, by the way." he said, and gave her a slight smile, "I was starting to become desperate."

"I could see that." she stated, and he could not for the life of his tell if she intended to be sarcastic.

"I mean it, though." Sakuya said, "I...I often miss my older sister." He paused, hoping to not make a complete fool of himself, "And this might sound strange."

He glanced at her, but Otogiri's usually blank expression remained unchanged. "But talking to you...it was as though I had her back, at least a bit." he added, "Sorry, I told you it might sound weird." He rubbed his neck.

"Don't apologize." she said, and with some relief he noted that her voice didn't sound judgmental "I don't mind being an older sister. Even though I would prefer you not to call me big sister directly, that would be a problem. Otogiri-san or even Giri-san, to be less formal, would be fine."

"Got it." Sakuya said, as fondness bubbled up in him, "Thank you, Giri-san."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Despite the reassuring talk with Otogiri, Sakuya was still not feeling confident enough to face Tsubaki, and tensed up more and more the closer they got to the hotel. Otogiri, who shot him several side-glances within a matter of minutes, had certainly noticed, but did not mention it. There was nothing she could have said to amelioriate the situation, regardless, and Sakuya was glad he did not have to speak. His stomach had returned to its anxiety-induced churning and he worried that it would not only be words that came out if he had to open his mouth.

He kept his eyes closed all through the elevator ride, clenching and unclenching his hands in his pockets while he told himself that it was ridiculous to be this afraid, everything would be fine, eventually, they wouldn't have sent Otogiri for him in any other case, and yet...

He jumped, startled, when the elevator's _ding!_ signalled that they had arrived at the designated floor.

"Follow me.." Otogiri said monotonously, beckoning him out with the slightest wave of her hand. Sakuya nodded, swallowed down the lump in his throat, and followed her.

She led him to their conference/living room, which functioned as the main meeting place of the inner circle, and stopped as soon as they could glimpse it, still several meters away from it. Then, she motioned for him to be quiet, and jerked her head in the direction of the room. _Watch_.

"I said I'm sorry! Otogiri found him, didn't she?." Belkia's frustrated tone rang in Sakuya's ears, and he saw the pink haired sling an arm around Tsubaki who stood right next to him, looking glum, "Cheer up, please?"

And Sakuya's eyes widened when Belkia pressed a chaste kiss to Tsubaki's cheek.

"Not now, Belkia." the older vampire mumbled, seeming anything but surprised, and pushed him away ever so slightly, "What if he refuses to come back? Then -"

And all of a sudden he raised his head, posture straightening and Sakuya realized that despite Otogiri's precautionary measures and Tsubaki's less-than-usual alert state, he had already noticed their presence.

"S-sakuya?" he asked, hesitatingly, and then looked up, his eyes locking with the younger vampire's.

Belkia shifted awkwardly, seeming to not know where to look. to know where to look. Otogiri stood right next to him, a silent pillar of hope.

Sakuya stepped forward until he was standing in front of him, cleared his throat, tried to calm his breathing and his racing heart.

"Yeah." he mumbled, "I...I'm sorry for what I said earlier." He bowed, apologetically, before looking back up at the Servamp of Melancholy.

A smile broke across Tsubaki's features that seemed almost relieved.

"All forgotten." he told him, "If you accept my apology, that is."

Sakuya had hoped for this, and yet, was taken aback by how quickly Tsubaki was willing to admit to his own mistake.

"Yes." Sakuya nodded, "Yes, of course."

Belkia rolled his eyes in the background.

Tsubaki took notice of this. "Belkia, Otogiri, please leave us alone for the moment." he asked them courtly. Belkia sputtered in protest, while Otogiri merely nodded, but both left for their respective rooms.

The Servamp of Melancholy waited a few moments, and only when they heard two doors click shut in the distance, beckoned him closer.

Sakuya took a few hesitating steps towards him, and believed to be hallucinating when

Tsubaki pulled him in a warm embrace. "Please don't ever do this again." the Servamp whispered, and, "I'm very glad to have you back."

Sakuya held his breath, and nodded in affirmation, resting his head on Tsubaki's shoulder.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Vampires, Sakuya had thought when he was still a child, were quite lazy.

Vampires, he'd thought, always kept to themselves.

Vampires, he'd thought, could be terrifying.

In the next couple of days, he learned that the two first points did not necessarily apply, but that the third one was true on levels that he hadn't imagined prior.

"I'm afraid it will only be the dire truth from now on, Sakuya-kun." the Servamp of Melancholy had told him, with a wistful sigh, gracing him with an inquiring look, "Do you think you can handle it?" He felt Higan's, Otogiri's, Shamrock's and Belkia's eyes pierce his back. They were all assembled in the conference room.

It was the next day. After only a few hours of sleep, Tsubaki had called him in for a "special clan meeting". He'd never been invited to these before, with the excuse that he was still too new of a clan member to attend.

Sakuya knew that he was being tested. And once again, found himself astounded by how much Tsubaki, despite his twisted ways, still seemed to care about his well-being. He was certain that if he told him now that he wouldn't be able to handle it, Tsubaki would simply accept his answer, without even blaming him, and continue to keep him out of all things relating to the inner circle's, perhaps even the entire Melancholy Clan's planning. An actual clan member, Sakuya was certain, was not one standing on the sidelines without a clue to what was going on. And he knew, without a doubt, that he wanted to belong here.

Here, in the Melancholy Clan. Here, in Tsubaki-san's family. Even if it meant that he might have to go against what he had previously believed in.

"I am ready." he answered, his voice unwavering, looking straight back at the Servamp.

The latter smirked. "An interesting choice of words, Sakuya-kun." he said, "Well then, let us begin."

While the rest of the inner circle delivered their reports, Sakuya listened mutely. He had never before imagined that Higan would be capable of killing someone unless it was in self-defense, but the vivid description that the artist gave of his latest misdeed taught him different. Shamrock, meanwhile, announced that he would be on the lookout for that "wretched Greed's subclass", and Sakuya had a very good idea of what he planned to do with them.

"Even if we still lack clues about Wrath's and Gluttony's whereabouts, we will have to find out where exactly Sloth and Greed are. If they are allowed to operate in the dark like this, it will be a problem." Otogiri gave a cause for concern.

At last, Belkia animatedly started talking about the way he'd taken down "Lust's subclass" the previous day.

Tsubaki silenced him with a wave of his hand. Belkia pouted, but Sakuya was incredibly grateful for the Servamp's consideration. The minute Belkia had begun recounting the events, the memory had flooded back along with a nauseous sensation settling in the pit of his gut. Maybe, Sakuya thought, maybe it would take time to get used to all of this.

And maybe, after a while, he wouldn't feel like a monster anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Sakuya saw the attack out of the corner of his eye, and tried to dodge, but it was too late.

He panted heavily, sinking to the ground as the well-aimed kick to his stomach from Higan's side completely finished him. The latter laughed apologetically..

The Servamp of Melancholy however, who was watching them from the sidelines, clicked his tongue in annoyance, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Is this all you've got, _Watanuki-san_? If Higan were my brother Greed now-"

Sakuya rolled his eyes. And there he went off again. It was almost amusing, the exasperated way in which Tsubaki attempted to lecture him when he was not putting in enough effort, according to him.

Sakuya let out a groan, but then pulled himself together, lifting himself to his feet again and assuming his earlier pose, prepared for Higan to come charging at him again. The black-haired vampire gave him an approving look over the rim of his sunglasses. "Much better, newbie." And then, he called on the second round.

Daily training sessions had become a part of Sakuya's schedule, now that he was an active member of the inner circle's battle force. He received lessons in tactics and combat, which Tsubaki oversaw at times. Sakuya hadn't felt this sweaty and drained in a while.

As per Tsubaki's instruction, Shamrock had taken him under his wing for fencing practices. They dueled with large sticks, and as his level advanced, rapiers. Shamrock only drew out swords occasionally, as he wasn't too fond of those weapons. "A true measure of strengths is not who is able to slash through the other first." he announced pompously, and Sakuya felt quite certain that if Belkia were here, he would disagree, "But the one who succeeds in disarming the other." Sakuya was disarmed almost _immediately_ in the first weeks of their training sessions, but within time, improved enough for those precious few, victorious seconds, when Shamrock's rapier fell to the ground with a clatter, and he still held his firmly gripped in his hand.

Higan, on the other hand, had noticed that Sakuya – to the latter's own suprise – was actually gifted when it came to handling knives, and inserted it into their training regime. Under his watch, Sakuya practiced throwing them at targets, and catching them in midair. "Very good." Higan said, when he landed yet another accurate hit right in the center of the dartboard, and Sakuya couldn't help a proud grin. When they took a break from their practice, Sakuya watched Higan create beautiful landscapes on his canvas, as he reminisced about his time in Southern Europe, the shrublands, the heat, the wine, the people he'd met.

Otogiri tried to teach Sakuya her thread manipulation ability, but he realized he simply wasn't patient enough in the long run to use it as his main weapon, with the nearly meditative state the user continuously had to remain in. However, once he advanced his level of knife throwing, they began combining their abilities, with Sakuya tacking down Otogiri's threads just after she laid them out, and thus creating an even more effective method of catching a potential enemy. One time, as they were practicing in one of the larger rooms on the topmost floor, Shamrock walked in in the middle of their session. He almost got hit in the ribs by one of the knives, catching it a millisecond before. The vampire glared at them, as they halted in their movements, apologizing fruitlessly.

"This is exactly why I do not like such barbaric practices." he said, dropping the knife he held at an arm's length at his feet, and disappearing back into the hotel. It was the first time Sakuya heard Otogiri let out something that resembled a quiet giggle.

Belkia had refused to teach him anything. Tsubaki had laughed, at first, then grew increasingly more impatient. The last Sakuya had heard of it, he'd quietly threatened Belkia to get over himself, or "some very uninteresting things might happen soon." Therefore, every couple of days, he spent wo completely pointless hours in Belkia's room, where the other refused to acknowledge his existence, typing on his smartphone instead. Sakuya usually did his homework, which he finished early on such days. It was a pattern that could've gone on, at least in Sakuya's opinion, but an accident on his side changed the dynamic quite soon.

"Sakuuuun ~" Belkia greeted him one afternoon. He seemed far too cheerful for the beginning of one of their practice sessions. "W-what is it?" Sakuya said, uncertainly, but Belkia demandingly gestured for him to close the door. Sakuya sighed, then did as he was told.

"So, what-"

"You didn't tell me you had a _boyfriend_." the pink-haired vampire said, eyes lighting up with excitement and what Sakuya noticed with wonder, a sort of relief?

"W-what?" Sakuya stammered, a blush rising to his cheeks, as Belkia latched onto his arm and pulled him into the room, practically slamming him down on the rosé couch. He dropped down next to Sakuya, waving his phone in front of his face. Sakuya saw his own profile on the screen of the social networking site. His full profile.

"Wait, how did you-"

"It's really careless behaviour to simply befriend a certain Tachibana Reina because she has a cute chibi as her profile picture, and apparently goes to your high school." Belkia chirped, and Sakuya tensed in horror.

"You created a fake profile?" he snapped, feeling utterly foolish. With all the requests he'd gotten since High School, he had stopped browsing each profile before accepting it. In retrospect, this turned out to be a mistake of the most amateurish category.

"How else will I be able to keep an eye on my darling son?" Belkia crooned, batting his eyelashes, "The internet is full of dangerous people these days, Sakkun!"

Sakuya suppressed the urge to retch at such a shameless display of hypocrisy.

"Since when am I your darling son?" he instead asked, raising his eyebrows, "Last week, you suggested the others could use me as _bait_ , and you weren't joking. And the week before-"

"Ahaha, always the grudge-holder, our newbie." Belkia interrupted him, with a smile that seemed forced, "Let's not dwell on old arguments, shall we?"

Sakuya sighed, eyeing him suspiciously. "What do you want?" he inquired. Belkia always had a hidden motive, that much he knew.

"To make peace, my boy." the magician said, nodding to accentuate his words, and his smile brightened, "And to offer you my aid on the path of love!"

"I don't need your aid." Sakuya promptly replied. Belkia ignored his input.

"I noticed you were sharing an awful lot of interaction with a certain _Shirota Mahiru_ -" he said sweetly, causing the younger vampire to pale abruptly, "And so, of course, took the liberty to browse his profile as well!"

"You didn't." Sakuya said weakly, reaching out his hand to tweak the skin on his arm. He wasn't dreaming, apparently.

"He also became friends with Tachibana Reina, isn't that wonderful?" Belkia said, laughing gleefully, "And according to his personal info, which luckily, was _very_ informative, I could be absolutely certain that it is that boy you are always walking home with! The one you are always texting, too." Belkia waggled his eyebrows.

"Are you stalking me?" Sakuya snapped.

"Who do you take me for, Sakkun?" Belkia clicked his tongue in disappointment, "Of course I wouldn't! It was pure coincidence that I saw you two walk home one day when I had an errand to run near your school. And well, because I like to be absolutely sure, I waited in that place the very next day, and oh, lucky me- there you two were again!" He grinned at him.

"That doesn't explain the texting." Sakuya said, and for the first time, Belkia seemed a little caught, "Don't tell me you read my messages."

"Read is a little far-fetched." Belkia replied slyly, while the younger vampire glared daggers at him, "But you'd left your phone unlocked once, while your messages were on display. And oh, the message count you shared with that boy – you can't blame me for making a connection there!"

"You had _no right_ -" Sakuya began, flustered, but Belkia waved him off.

"I'm not judging you, little Sakkun." he chirped, "I was waiting for all those raging hormones and love declarations for a long time now. And I'm so relieved to finally know you truly are interested in your own age group!" he added, in a quieter voice.

Before Sakuya could confront him on that strange last comment, Belkia too a deep breath and posed a question that threw Sakuya completely off track: "Now, my question is- does he know?"

Sakuya _did not know_ how to respond to this. Mortified, he bit his lip.

"I take that as a no." Belkia responded,his brow furrowing, "But- will you tell him anytime soon? I'm not making fun of you, I promise!"

"That's news." Sakuya muttered, ignoring Belkia's mockingly hurt gasp that followed, and sighed: "No, I can't. I...There is no way. Leaving aside how disgusted he'd be, I'd probably be bullied in High School, and I don't want that happening."

He was undead, already, but just for a while, he wanted to pretend he wasn't, and while he was still actually young, wanted to live through a good High School experience. He would not ruin it for himself.

"But no-one's saying that will happen!" Belkia said, grasping his shoulders,, "I don't believe he would tell anyone else if you sincerely confessed, Sakuya-kun. He does not seem to be the type to do that." Belkia shook his head in a resolute rejection of the mere thought.

"How would you know?" Sakuya gave back, trying to free himself at once, "Are you an expert for..g-gay" - it was still hard pronouncing the word, "Love all of a sudden?"

Belkia didn't laugh, however. Instead, he gave him a disbelieving look, as though Sakuya had just questioned whether Tsubaki wore sandals.

"No, you're not." Sakuya said, shaking his head rapidly, "No, you're not, you're not, wait- seriously?"

He had to exercise a lot of self-control to keep himself from adding a desperate: "What else are you guys keeping from me?" at the end.

"Sakkun." Belkia sighed, dramatically, "I thought that much was _obvious._ "

 

 

* * *

 

 

A good two months of training later, Sakuya was beginning to finally feel a difference. Running or lifting weights didn't exhaust him nearly as much anymore.

A victorious rush of adrenaline pumped through his body, every time he managed to win one of their practice fights- win temporarily, at least -

until Tsubaki kicked him back down.

As great as it felt to be on top of his game and to realize he would finally be able to protect Mahiru though, he was certain he did not want to become a murderer, and while he offered the Servamp his loyal aid, also told him what it was he couldn't bring himself to do.

Tsubaki was aware of this, and had assured him that he did not have to do anything he didn't want to, including not killing their enemies. He had even allowed him to completely back out of the execution of their plans, but to Sakuya, this sounded as though he would reassume his position as a bystander. Therefore, he sat through every planning meeting with the others, which weren't nearly as official as he had initially thought, as Tsubaki rarely bothered with formalities.

Sakuya had made his peace with the idea that he would never be the one to take a life. So when a pair of glowing red eyes attacked him only a road away from the hotel one night, he was taken by surprise. It was another subclass vampire, and while Sakuya tried to signal that he was not here for a fight, his attacker thought differently.

He did not know why he had picked him out. Later, he would realize that he was probably here to attack Tsubaki's subclass, and that by chance and bad luck, he'd been the one who had been around at the time.

The subclass screeched at him to die already, and Sakuya evaded the following hit, throwing the vampire back with all his might. His own strength surprised him when the other did fall, and it wasn't murderous intent that made him slash his throat before he could get up. But when he didn't get up, and gurgled miserably, blood squirting out of his jugular artery and staining his clothes, the pavement- Sakuya realized what he had done.

He had never thought his blow would be fatal, had only wanted to land a successful hit to defend himself.

But now...

Now...

Now he watched, as the vampire's body spasmed in his last moments. Sakuya's fingers trembled uncontrollably as he tried to stop the bleeding with his hands. It was useless. The shock chilled him to the bone as he watched the life slowly fade from the vampire's eyes.

And then, he panicked.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Minutes, perhaps even half an hour had passed, until he managed to lift himself up and stumbled back to the hotel, hiding his blood-soaked hands in his jacket pockets. Back at home, he went straight for the shower, and rinsed his body until there was no evidence of his earlier deed. Fortunately, he managed to avoid running into one of the others, and he was glad, for he didn't know how he would have faced them now. He sank into a restless sleep as soon as he'd lain down.

The subclass vampire chased him in his dreams and put his own, clammy hands around Sakuya's throat, squeezing. He could only watch, petrified, as blood squirted from his sister's injured body, and she whispered at him to _just die, please, Sakkun_.

Sakuya awoke screaming, drenched in sweat. Disorientated, he lifted himself up, wanting to figure out where he was, and threw up next to his bedside.

Tsubaki had heard- of course he had - joining him in his room a few minutes later.

The Servamp sighed quietly, upon seeing the state of the room and its inhabitant, but merely told Sakuya to go change. When Sakuya emerged from his en-suite bathroom a few minutes later, having slipped on a clean shirt and splashed icy water in his face, Tsubaki had already cleaned up the mess and changed the bed's sheets.

"Thanks." Sakuya mumbled, dumbfounded, as he buried himself back under his blanket.

The Servamp was studying him with a strange look on his face, and Sakuya wondered if there was a way in which Tsubaki had learned what happened.

"Next time there is a situation like this, please tell us at once so we … remove the evidence early on." Tsubaki said at that moment, and Sakuya's eyes widened.

"It was an accident." he said, panicking, "I swear it was an accident!"

"I know, Sakuya." Tsubaki told him, reassuringly, "It wasn't your intention. But then, this was only a matter of time, hm?"

"It was an accident." Sakuya repeated choking on the words.

"You're a vampire now, and your strength is growing. Not every vampire out there has peaceful intentions, in fact-" Tsubaki adjusted his sunglasses, "Most don't. Defending yourself will come down to killing at some point. Or getting killed. Eat or get eaten, you know how it is."

"I can get by without killing anyone." Sakuya said, his voice wavering, "I thought I could."

"And you probably will." Tsubaki offered, "For the most part. But there might be occasions where your own life will be at stake. In those times, it's important you prioritize it."

His tone became more demanding: "Do you hear me, Sakuya?"

Sakuya told himself that this was an issue he could deal with later, he felt too tired now, and so he nodded. Tsubaki reached out to brush through his hair a familiar gesture of comfort.

"This doesn't make you a bad person." the Servamp of Melancholy added, "It doesn't."

Sakuya lay in silence, staring at Tsubaki's silhouette, illuminated by the full moon peering into the hotel room.

"Do you want me to stay here?" he asked, a few minutes into the silence that was stretching between them. It was an honest question, free of any mockery.

Sakuya didn't answer, but instead slid as close to the wall as the bed allowed him too, thus creating plenty of space next to him and giving him his answer without having to verbalize the request that screamed weakness.

"Alright." Tsubaki chuckled, as he settled down next to his protégè, "Alright. Sleep well, Sakuya-kun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( "It is obvious, isn't it?" Belkia complains to Higan)


End file.
